Had a “Marathi Manoos shopkeeper” moment in Stratford market today. For those of you who are not Maharashtrians, we are supposed to suck at business and the shopkeepers especially in Pune think the customer is the most “ignore-worthy” object in the shop. The entire attitude is, we have this much to offer, if you want to, take it else leave. The fate of such shops of course is “Sell them to a Gujarati/Marwadi” and then you are free to give lectures on why “Maharashtra lags behind in business”. I am quoting the God of Maharashtrians late P.L.Deshpande (humorist of extremely high caliber). So back to London, I walked by this open-air sort of shop which was selling fruits very cheap. I started picking up pears, the Englishman owner came over and told me curtly “Mate, go to the counter, they will serve you, don’t touch the fruits here else the arrangement will be disturbed.” LOL.
Today, I write about a very famous song which I think many of you may have heard. It is attributed to Cat Stevens but has been originally written by Harry Chaplin. It is called Cats in the Cradle. I am not going to write much about it, will just print the lyrics down here and then put my thoughts up on it. If you don’t have the song, please try and get a hold of it, it is not only well written but well sung as well. So here goes:
My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talking before I knew it and as he grew
He said, "I’m gonna be like you, Dad,
You know I’m gonna be like you"
And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you comin home, dad, I don’t know when,
But we'll get together then, Son,
You know we'll have a good time then.
My son turned ten just the other day
He said "Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on lets play
can you teach me to throw?" I said, "Not today,
I got a lot to do" He said "Thats okay"
And then he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said "I’m gonna be like him, yeah
You know I’m going to be like him"
And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin home, dad, I dont know when,
But we'll get together then, Son,
You know we'll have a good time then.
Well he came from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say,
"Son, I’m proud of you, can you sit for a while?"
He shook his head, and he said with a smile
"What I'd really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?"
And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin home, Son, I dont know when,
But we'll get together then, Dad,
You know we'll have a good time then.
I’ve long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day........
I said "I'd like to see you if you don’t mind"
He said "I'd love to Dad, if I could find the time.
You see my new jobs a hassle, and the kids have the flu.
But It's sure nice talking to you, Dad,
It's been sure nice talking to you........"
And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me,
My boy was just like me..............
And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin home, Son, I dont know when,
But we'll get together then, Dad
We're gonna have a good time then.
END SONG
Sounds familiar? At least does to me. The Dad can obviously be replaced by Mom now since so many moms are also away these days (and consumed by the guilt of not being there for their children etc.). So what is the holy grail, is there a work-life balance that can be really achieved or is this simply a fad that has caught on. A lot of youngsters (at least in Infy) tend to quote this famous article by NRN that stresses about Work Life Balance (WLB) etc. I am not sure whether he really said or wrote it but I am sure it may have been in some context. I was asked by Venkat when I met him before joining UBS what I thought about Work Life Balance (first time I had even thought about it). Thinking about playing it safe and since this was Infosys where they seem to be touting this concept, I said “Yeah it should be there”. Venkat’s answer was interesting and something close to my thoughts which I will lay down here. You are free to disagree and follow your own path, like I said, there is no silver bullet for achieving this “balance”.
First and foremost, the entire term seems to divide one’s mental canvas into two distinct areas – work and life. So it assumes that there is no life when you work and there is no work when you are in your “life”. I think this is plain misleading, work is not something you are forced to do simply to make money. There is a degree of fulfillment associated with work. Don’t we feel good when the project is delivered, CSAT is high, attrition is low, engagement feedback is 7 or one wins a deal. I believe work defines life or at least the purpose in life and hence is extremely essential. Also, isn’t there work in the “life” outside work. There is the tidying of things, polishing of shoes, even driving to the mall which one may not like but has to do. So if one is to be objective, these two are completely diffused areas. When people think work-life balance, they mean more like work-leisure balance.
Now leisure is essential, but you cannot enjoy leisure unless you have worked and achieved. Doesn’t a drink with friends or a movie on weekend feel better if you have had a full week submitting proposals, delivering code or anything else you do and you have received reward for it. So there is no escape from work if you ask me.
Now for the neglecting children part and this is only relevant to people with kids here. I grew up watching my father work a lot, he travelled 2 hours one way in the Mumbai local trains and then came home and did some more work. I didn’t hate him for it, the image sits in my mind and drives me to achieve. Same for my mother who used to take penicillin shots every week but taught in school, won prizes for her projects at State level and yet would come home and crash because she was very tired and ill. Believe me, these images stick and inspire. So if you think that your kid is not happy with you because you are working too much, I say bunkum. Your kid will hate you if you sit around at home and do nothing but gossip or have fun (this is not a reference to house wives, they do much more “work” than us). So get rid of that guilt, it is not a crime to want to get ahead in life and wanting to achieve something and I firmly believe your kids will understand and respect you. And please for God’s sake, don’t try and compensate the kids with gifts for the time you are away from them, they don’t need stuff, they need you and you are simply teaching them bribery.
Finally, the panacea to guilt pangs that driven folks do face and which a lady friend of mine was distraught about is what I would venture to suggest. I had told her the same, don’t know whether it worked for her but I think it makes a lot of sense. It is actually based on a dialogue from the movie “Bluffmaster” where the doctor tells Abhishek Bacchan that he is going to die in 3 months. He also explains to him that he has spent 30 years with his daughter but what he tends to remember are maybe 30 really good moments that they had together e.g. a picnic, a movie seen together – it is not the quantity that matters but the quality of the time. Try and fit in those 30 great moments in whatever time you do spend with your child. In my case, it was the concepts that my parents taught me through stories/examples – self reliance, common sense, probity etc. which have stood me in good stead. I hope in my son’s case, it is the time the both of us played Mini-Golf together, the stories that I conjure up for him out of thin air and many more such moments. You can pick your moments too – your work life balance would be easily attained if you achieve glory (and gold) at work and spend those special moments with your loved ones in life. And of course went drinking, bungy jumping or whatever else that suits your fancy.
Please let me know how you found this thought. I have tried to be audacious and offer unsolicited advice here, hope it helps you .
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